Love reading — As a kid I was obsessed with Richmal Crompton’s Just William series, Anthony Buckeridge’s Jenning’s series, and E.W.Hildick’s  McGurk Mysteries. Later I moved on to novelisations of films I wasn’t old enough to see (The Pink Panther, Jaws, The Howling), and I then bizarrely moved on to footballer’s autobiographies and Sherlock Holmes. I was a strange child.
Love writing — I used to write stories as a kid but spent more time sketching the covers than actually writing. When I was about twelve I started the strange habit of rewriting football match reports on my dad’s olde worlde typewriter. At sixth-form I used to keep a diary that was mainly filled with nonsense and bad poetry. At university I wrote for the student magazine and started a music fanzine with a friend.
Be interested in people — Writing is only half the battle: you actually need to have something to say too…about people, and human nature and all the rest of it. I found the following useful for this bit: the early films of Woody Allen, the Adrian Mole books, being in love with someone who doesn’t love you back, Cosmopolitan’s problem pages, Pretty in Pink, The Breakfast Club, the first two Wedding Present albums, the entire output of The Smiths, getting your heart broken and Coronation Street.
Read rubbish books — Prior to getting published I’m pretty sure I had read ever single terrible book that had been published by anyone under thirty in the UK. Nothing got past me. I read them all. Why? Because while there were moments when I was sure I was going to be the next J.D.Salinger the realist in me took considerably more comfort from knowing that even at my every worst I had to be a better writer than **** *********** and their debut novel ********* ** *****.
Write everyday — I wrote My Legendary Girlfriend almost like a diary. I never rewrote or even read what I’d written the day before I’d just write something new. I plugged away at it for ages until one day I came to the end and typed “The End”.
Have a story you want to tell — I was going through something of an existential phase in my life when I first began My Legendary Girlfriend hence the book’s original title, Nothing. It was very bleak and very depressing and had no jokes at all. I was a very serious young man back then.
At first go easy on yourself — This is important. With my first draft I insisted on cutting myself loads of slack. It didn’t have to be perfect. It didn’t even have to make sense. It just needed to be at least 80,000 words long and have a beginning and an end. The proudest moment of my writing career so far is that first draft. No matter how terrible the contents I knew that I had done something most people only ever talk about.
Then get tougher — I basked in the glow of my first draft for ages. Then I reread it. It was ten million different kinds of terrible. It made no sense, characters changed names in the middle of a paragraph and there were bits that were just plain weird. But all that was okay because I knew that I could shape it into something better.
Rewrite — Few get it right first time. And that’s okay because that’s what rewrites are for. I rewrote My Legendary Girlfriend over eleven times before I even sent it to an agent. And every single time it just got better.
Then show it to people — I showed the completed manuscript to three people whose opinions I trusted. If you can’t show it to people then why be a writer?
Then listen to their comments — Obviously don’t choose people who will tear it apart mercilessly. But don’t choose someone who will just tell you it’s fantastic either. I chose right in the end. I listened to their comments and the bits I agreed with I changed, the bits I disagreed with I kept (and made stronger) and the bits I wasn’t sure about and they weren’t sure about were dispensed with completely.
Then show it to even more people — The more people who said, “I hated what the character does on page 112,” the more you realise that page 112 has to go.
Read newspapers — articles about the book trade and weekend newspaper’s book pages. That’s how I learned the name of the agency I wanted to be represented by and the names of a few top agents.
Then buy the Artists and Writers Yearbook — I still have my copy. Best money I’ve ever spent.
Then send it out to agents — I chose three big name agencies that I’d read about in the papers. I remember the cost of mailing out the first three chapters and synopsis seemed like a fortune.
Be patient — It was four weeks before I got a reply to anything I’d sent out. I opened the letter from The ****** and ********* literary agency with baited breath: “Dear Sir/Madam, thank you for considering The ****** and ********* literary agency for your novel [hand written scrawl] My Legendary Girlfriend. Unfortunately this is not a novel we think we can represent at this time. Kind regards [Blank space]”
Wait some more — they’re not really in a hurry to put you out of your misery.
Send it out to more agents while you’re waiting — there are literally hundreds of literary agents out there. And all you need is one of them to like it.
Wait some more — There’s a lot of waiting in this bit. Fortunately for me I got a result. Agent number three got back to me. They liked it and wanted to see the rest.
Wait even longer — Agent number three eventually got back to me having read the full manuscript. They liked the novel but didn’t think it would get published the way it was. They did however give me a long list of things that were wrong with it. This (as it turned out) was possibly the best thing that could possibly have happened.
Rewrite again — taking on board the agent’s comments I rewrote My Legendary Girlfriend completely and in the process discovered a whole new plotline that not only answered the agents queries but took the whole thing to a new level.
Send out book again — The wait was shorter. Agent Three loved it.
Try and meet agent — As soon as I met Agent Three I knew she was the one for me. Friendly but no nonsense I was in no doubt that I was in the hands of an expert.
Rewrite again — a new set of notes resulted in a vast improvement of the manuscript. I couldn’t be more pleased with it.
Cross fingers — my agent sent out the book to seven publishers on a Friday lunchtime. By lunchtime on Monday there was a bidding war that continued for a week and resulted in my feeling quite ill.
Remember to breathe — the auction ended Friday lunch time. Hodder and Stoughton won by not only offering the most money but by also genuinely loving the book.
Rewrite again — New set of notes from publisher that made the book even better.
Get publicity — We were fortunate to get pieces about the book on Radio Four’s Front Row as well as the front cover of the Express and The Independent on Sunday and review coverage in The Observer, The Times, The Daily Mirror, GQ and Maxim.
Release trade paperback — Thanks to everyone involed my Legendary Girlfriend reached number two in the Guardian’s original fiction list.
Release paperback — The paperback My Legendary Girlfriend entered the Sunday Times Top Ten.